Gunter is the Reproduction Man
Gunter is/was an actual guy. We met him in the middle of the night. He worked late night shift at a local Grocery Store deep in the suburbs of Chicago. The store was open 24 hours. We were there at 2 or 3 in the morning looking to buy meat. We had seen him more than once before. Occasionally we'd spot him stocking the freezers or cereal or fruits or whatever (but usually the freezer section). The thing we immediately noticed about him was his extremely hideous face. It was flat and large. Almost retarded looking, but the guy was not retarded. He worked too fast, stocked shelves too efficiently to be retarded. We talked to him a couple times, and he sounded pretty normal. He was just butt ugly. We broke the ice by asking him how working the late shift was, acting as if we were interested in applying for a job (which I kind of was). He told us that his job kicked f***ing ass and that we could apply, but that there weren't any openings at his store. He was allegedly bringing down good money at $10/hour and more importantly he informed us that his schedule worked out well for his dating life. He went into detail about his dating life. Details that need not be repeated here or anywhere else, ever. At the time the money did seem like good pay. But, since there were no current openings, we found it more important to buy the cheapest large piece of meat and get out of the store as fast as possible. We then borrowed a random backyard grill in the middle of the night, carrying it off a safe distance to cook the meat free of disturbances. We never forgot Gunter and his monstrous appearance. Looking back now, I suspect that he was a hard core cocaine user. He licked his lips a lot, had that burned out nose look and was way to enthusiastic about his shitty job. He's probably out there getting laid right now with some hot babes. Here's the song we wrote about him.